BEWILDERED, VACUOUS EXISTENCES
The weight was unbearable and the feeling, is…so, so, eerie. She could not bare it. Or he? I just did not know any more! I am so confused about her, she, IT! ME!?? I am being transformed! Or something! This ME, is almost gone and a new one is about to appear in my place! My existence as we know it, was different and…soon, gone! I was slowly fading in to darkness.
It was so close! Do you know how awkward this is? I mean changing in the middle of nowhere, where every body stares. Even thought you are nowhere, quite latterly. This place we "live" is actually called Middle of No-where! The sign going in to town is big and outgoing! You view what you want to see in that beautifully engraved, with green or blue you could see anything you please!
This place is a fantasy and nonexistent to me or you. Still we have this in us! Adventure and bewildered minds! Thus we make a little reverie planet for comfort. Still we feel empty and futile. What if I told you this is all figurative? Just think…and picture this: You are living in a mansion, alone, married twice but the vice president of the biggest corporation in America. You work twelve, seven. You have three children, whom you see maybe twice a week. They are in bed by the time you get home. You have staff in your own home and two drivers and a secretary. Now, read between the lines. You are a work alcoholic, lonely, afraid of love and disregard your own children? Yes. So? You make this reverie planet were you make your self think that you are none of those things but deep down you know you are! Here's the worst, you are trying to convince others but you really want to convince your self! You take your self to the alternate universe to be in consolation. It was not enough to be there. You almost needed to live it. Even though none of the things that you saw, they are in your damn head! Not real. Not true. Probably will never happen!!!
You can keep telling your self that but you will never stop!
I am telling you it happens to everyone! Especially the ones in need of some thing. This fantasy is made up for the ones in need!
The things that come to you like its, lightning, what makes life so indispensable, and the passion to humans. When this lightning hits you, you feel so alive inside don't you? I mean really that spark that comes out from your fingertips or mouth, feet, anywhere really.
I remember one cold day when I was broken. That’s when it hit me. Why not write what ever comes to my mind, and so I did…for a while. I got that flow and anger that needed to come out there on paper or computer. I had no more. No more, inspiration left. I did not need it, in a way. I still felt empty thus making an other chapter in my so called "book" and just again, wrote. Soon I noticed that I don't exactly need that lightning but really I need that anger and need to get it out of my system. After all the time I spent on writing I thought I was good. Great, actually. Then I started to get dissed because of the way I wrote. They told me that I am a true journalist and in need of enlightenment? What enlightenment do you need, for freakin' writing. Everybody is different, and especially in writing there are so many types of writing in the world, it is not funny. So here I am despite the idiocy they try to feed me with. I am still writing. I am so full of it. Why does the world need so many people with a view of dim, dim future.