Whatever

I am sitting, and all I see is a silhouette, a silhouette of him. My eye lids feel like a million tons of gold. And my retinas see the bold colors of the universe. As I blink I see clearly what I am supposed understand... 
As I wonder about the knowns and unknowns, I realize I don't know anything.


I've been here 14 years... And I don't actually know anything... 
I know that I love cheese, that I love music... that I can hold my breath for over 2 minutes, that I need to wash my hair everyday... that I hate nail polish... THIS IS NOTHING.I've recently realized... humans are layered... and we continuously gain layers... we become complex... as we should.... Life would be extremely boring if this would not be a fact. So many people say the the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one... Well, I have a problem... I don't know myself...I don't know how to calm myself down... to deal with something fully...But I have admitted this problem....But I have admitted this problem....



I mean of course I know that 2x2 is 4 and that Newton's first law of motion is an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force; I don't actually know anything... and the scary thing is that I don't know anything about me.

I can't just blurt something out...
I cannot just go and do something on stage without getting nervous...
I need to go through every possible factor... it might take me seconds a minute... hours.. days....

I am SO much closer to the answer.